For Those Who Wonder

My personal blog to throw my feelings on a page where I won't be judged.

You know what... »


I used to think the only way to my heart was through rhyming verses and allusive metaphors.
But now that I look back, I’m not sure I knew what I wanted.
Because I’ve slowly noticed myself falling for your clunky words and the way you trip over the sentence because you want to get it just right.
I don’t need to hear eloquent words of endearment.

No words can describe how much hope I have for this. My best, for you.


Well, Sean left two hours ago to go to Germany and some people might say I’m being an obsessive girlfriend because we’ve only been dating 3.5 months but in all honesty I’ve talked with this kid pretty much everyday for little over 6 months. So, yeah. Different time zones might kill me.
We have this thing where since I can’t talk to him much, whatever I want to talk about, I put on here. In hoping it will keep me sane since the last time I separated from my significant other, my whole life fell apart. So this is freaky for me especially when the anniversary of that fallout is rapidly approaching.
Either way, I dared him to kiss a girl on the Eiffel Tower because I don’t think he’s that smooth ;)
He’s a cutie for serious. I’m going to be a mess, man. He keeps me sane, bruh.
Why did he have to leave :(

Well, tomorrow marks the day Sean leaves for Germany for two weeks. I’m not sure how this is going to go down. Odds are ill probably feel like a useless piece of crap that misses her boyfriend. This will be good for us.
Let us just hope I don’t do what I did last year and screw it all up.

By the way, the anniversary of the worst day of my life is coming up soon. And my comforter will be on another continent. I’m really looking forward to it. One year. Lets hope history doesn’t repeat itself.

Spring Break 2014!!

So its Thursday of spring break (woot woot) and I’m going to give you a run down of what I did so far if I can even remember all of it.

Thursday was a day of relaxation. Mom gave us some chores, but it being the first day of break, that was understandable.  I took Nathan to Justin’s house ot practice and I went to Seans house until he was done. My parents didn’t know this but oh well. From there we went to Tony’s with my dad. From there Kelly and Dominic picked me up and then Sean and we went to the beach. It was the perfect weather. I put my phone in the bag so i didnt get my parents numerous calls about how I hadn’t finished my chores.

Me and Sean talked in spanish all the way home from the beach and talked about our relationship. It was pretty cool. But I was gorunded and got my phone and ipod taken away. 

Friday I had to stay home while everyone else went out. I finished my chores and then tried working on my iA/MLI/ reading CODF. I went to youth. It was a normal Friday.

Saturday I talked wiht my mom and we went shopping. I almost got wrestling shoes but under the circumstances, they were too much money but we knew what size I was in guys so it worked out. I got some shorts, it wa sa good day.

Sunday I can’t remember at all.  But it was a good. Yay. Wait, I just asked Sean and we were gonna play raquetball. But he ended up just coming over and we played with Mason in the yard.

Monday- watched Frozen at Sean’s house, weirded Megan out because we both belted out all the words to all the songs :)

Tuesday went to mass to be support for Kellt. left the cars at dom’s and went to Wellington where we did some off-roading and I got this huge bruise on my butt. It was awesome. This was also the day that me and Sean came to an important point. We snuck into Spec Martin, actually. It wasn’t just us. But we were the last ones out haha. It was amazing, hopping the fence and then sitting on the 50 yard line cross-legged just talking for two hours straight. It was seriously an amazing night. I wish I could do it again.

Wednesday I procrastinated fo-shizzle. and after work I had dinner at seans I love his family.That night we watched Pitch Perfect together and it was a great day. 

I can’t remember Thursday or Friday but it just got sad after that because I knew school was coming :/

Okay I meant to post this  A LONG TIME AGO. BUT I FORGOT. OMG. This was my spring break this year around March somethingith 2014 :)

I remember the little Cosmo brownies everyday.
I remember the warm, delicious tea every morning.
I regret never knowing the recipe.

I was once told that my mother didn’t love me because she wouldn’t let me stay up and read my bible. If that isn’t religion, I don’t know what it is.
MY MOTHER. Of all people. How could that even have been said? Sacrificing all logic so you could get what you wanted. That’s all you ever did.
My mother was caring for me and making sure I got enough sleep so I could be well rested. She did the best she could.
What did you do?
You made me lose sleep.
You made me cry myself to bed most nights.
You made me feel like the worst failure. The lowest of lows.
Never again will I fall under that.
I have been set free and now I’m dancing!

It’s been awhile since I’ve been sad or upset.
But I’d know this feeling anywhere. It starts in the center of my stomach and just branches out. The ache that takes over my every thought till everything I think is covered in a shadow. This pain I’d know anywhere.
I haven’t missed this feeling one bit. But some sick part of me is comforted at its return. »


I cant remember the smell of your shirt in my face.
I cant remember the touch of your hands on my skin.
I’ve forgotten the colorof your eyes, the sound of your laugh.
These aren’t just words. I sat there and tried to remember the feeling of running my fingers through your hair and I just…

Ive moved on for sure. But there’s still a part of me that wants to hold on to these good memories. But with some memories comes all memories. Ill never go back but they never leave.
At what point do they become a burdon.




How can everything line up in your life when you havent changed? How can your world be forever altered without you doing anything? How can you talk to someone for 4 hours and not get bored? How can you become the happiest guy in the world in just two months?
Es porque yo encuentro la Chica perfecta para mí. Y la Chica esta bonita inteligente y más bueno que todas las chicks en el mundo


Isn’t he wonderful.

So this kid. He kills me. I don’t even know what to say. I haven’t told you guys about him. But thats just because I’ve been happy. I should have documented better but oh well. 

I broke down guys. I dated a guy in IB. Who knew I would stoop this low. And a loser jock, too. 

I absolutely kidding. The number of times I talked myself out of talking to this kid because I said it wouldn’t be worth it and he’d turn out like the rest. 2 years later. Boom. This kid shows up out of no where and shoots me right out of the sky. Talk about respectful. Hilarious. Intelligent. and not to mention very good looking. He’s a wrestler. That means I can’t win any fights. We started talking around late November on snapchat because of this other girl. And we kind of got hooked. Just like enjoying eachothers company. Then it got into December and we realized huh, we talk ALL THE TIME. Then at the beginning of break it was kind of like we knew we liked each other and so we talked about it. I told him my conditions, honestly knowing he would just give up on me because I had so many restrictions and he would think its boring.

Well, he did leave. for about a week we didn’t talk at all. January 6th we both showed up at school. 2nd period physics class. I see him. He won’t look at me. But the more I look at him the more i realized that I wanted him to look back at me. He did once. I smiled. He gave me a half smile. over the course of the next two days we warmed back up. I probably shouldnt have but I regret nothing now. 

He told me he wouldn’t mind not doing physical things. He would be fine not kissing me. But that being my boyfriend would be an honor. 

This boy was trying to kill me. I really liked him. And he was willing to comply. Winner. So we admitted the mutual feelings fully. He asked me out, I said no but because an official relationship was not what I needed. with school and with my parents. 

Now with the past 3 months, I really care about this kid. I really do. We aren’t facebook official but its official enough for us. We know the other isn’t going to be leaving any time soon. We are just waiting for my parents to get used to the idea of a guy in my life. 

The day I realized I was hooked was sometime in February. But I didn’t tell him because I didn’t want our anniversary date to be in February xD So March 1st is our day :) 

This guy is amazing guys.